Birth & Death

My uncle was cremated today. It was a very sad moment, when his coffin was pushed into the furnace. The wailing of my cousins and aunts was almost infectious. Gone forever is his physical being, but he will continue to live in the hearts of all of us. We weren't close, but I could see that he is a fatherly figure in the family, being the eldest son and considering that my grandfather died even before I was born. Memories of him congratulating me (although he was wearing an oxygen mask and had trouble speaking) on my A-level results when I visited him in hospital last friday were floating in my mind. That alone brought tears to my eyes.

Sometimes I just wonder if death is deliverance from mortal sufferings. FWIW, my uncle had been down with this terrible illness for more than 2 years, and it pained all of us to see him wilt by the day. Was death, then, a good thing? I would think so, simply from a personal standpoint, with no wish to debate euthanasia-like ethical issues.

It's so tiring being human sometimes that I wonder what the afterlife is like, if there is even one. Would it be so much better that we hate ourselves for not dying earlier? (A very interesting premise I have been contemplating) No, I'm not suicidal. But I wouldn't mind if I were to die a painless death, say, tomorrow. *Touch wood*

On a more serious note, many people are afraid of death because they have "unfinished business" to attend to, or can't bear to leave behind their loved ones. But the inevitability is that you would die sooner or later, and the eventuality is that you would leave behind loved ones whether you die now (your parents and gf) or later (your wife, children and if you're lucky, grandchildren). And personally I feel that I would die with no regrets as long as I have not done anything which is against my conscience. It's ok that I have not been to university, established a career, or that I'm still a virgin. But that's just me, and my opinion might change if and when that fateful day comes.

Incidentally, it is my sister's birthday today. Here's wishing her all the best in the year ahead. One thing I realise about birthdays is that, the older you get, the less enthusiastic you are about celebrating birthdays, because they occur every year, just like any other day. I used to think that birthdays (esp. my own) are the most important days in a year, and would feel unhappy if my parents did not apply for leave to spend the day celebrating it with me. Now, I am happy to spend my birthday alone at home, doing the things I enjoy, and having a simple little feast to celebrate it - this day which is that little bit more special than all the others, and a good excuse to give myself a treat.