ORD loh!!!
The day has come, finally! I’ve regained my civilian status, and henceforth, I shall be addressed as Mr. and not by rank or vocation. It's an immense relief to be "free" again, and like most NSFs, I've spent close to 2 years looking forward to this day. The exhilaration of getting back your pink IC is indescribable, and only those who've been through it will understand what I'm feeling now.
It is all the more momentous because my NS journey hadn't been easy. In fact, right from the start, I knew I wasn't cut out to be a soldier (just like some of us know we have zilch musical talent). Unfortunately, there’s no quitting so you just have to grit your teeth and push on. I ain't about to recount all the rough patches I've been through, but it's safe to say I didn't get the cushiest of appointments/postings.
It really wasn't easy coping with the haplessness, and at times helplessness, especially when you’re painfully cognizant that most of your peers are getting off much more easily. The only thing that got me through it is possibly the conviction that I will not be a person who gives up without a fight whenever the going gets tough.
There were points when I really felt like taking the easy way out, especially when I looked at those who have. But then I looked at those around me who were still persevering, and told myself I will not let them and myself down. Knowing that I had an exciting future ahead of me was also a source of motivation, because I could console myself that I am more fortunate than most, and the ordeal was only temporary – you could even count down to it.
And only now do I understand why people say you'd remember most fondly the toughest times during NS. It's not so much because the suffering in itself is unforgettable, but because you pulled through, bonded with your chiong-sua mates, and every little happy moment is amplified and etched in the collective consciousness known as 'camaraderie'. This cannot be achieved when all you do is slack in bunk or the office every day.
However, deep down, I know that I have not altered my attitude towards NS, and I stand by my belief it has not changed me "internally" - at least not in a positive way. To put it more aptly in mandarin, 我的内在并没有因为兵役而起了实质的改变。A check with my family and long-time friends should confirm that. I have matured, for sure, but only because I've aged. And for the record, I've never felt less of a boy, or more of a man because of NS. The only thing I cannot deny is that NS has changed my life (delayed my tertiary education by 2 years, for instance), for better or worse.
In retrospect, the tough experience might not have been entirely bad, because I have been too sheltered all my life, and it's about time I fell and learnt to pick myself up. It was incredibly humbling, to say the least, and it has helped me recognise a part of my character that I never knew existed.
Whatever the case, I will cherish my NS memories and the friends I've made during my NS days. We are so used to seeing one another every day (24/5) that it can get pretty mundane or sickening. But I think I will come miss them and their antics during this "withdrawal period".
And in conjunction with this milestone, I have given my blog a facelift (as alluded to previously). I’m starting a new chapter over here (both figuratively and literally). It's still green, but there's now a theme, and I've added some new stuff. You can listen to enchanting elf music, watch the (hobble-)goggle box, gossip at the Prancing Pony, dig some dirt at the Mines of Moria, and help me find the list of wanted orcs. It took quite a bit of effort, but I think the new look is pretty neat! =)
