Almost There

Full-troop exercise (F T X) this week. 3D2N outfield involving the entire battalion, prelude to A T E C 2. The usual stuff, trekking around with an almost 20kg load on my <60kg frame. But compared to the 6-hour bashing expedition the last time (F T X 1), this is "small case" already.

The most outrageous thing was that 6 of my platoon mates ATT C (on MC, for the uninitiated), so my vehicle was left with 6 people instead of the usual 10. Which wasn't a bad thing afterall, since we had considerably more space to manoeuvre.

I suffered a bout of claustrophobia during F T X 1, and it wasn't a great feeling. I was on the verge of hyperventilation, and desperate to escape the confined space that was the "signaller seat" - less than 1 square metre in area, minimal leg room, and barely enough room when I'm in with my SBO. Imagine being cooped in that place for more than 10 hours, with no ventilation, and a heat-emanating signal set right by your side. I swear I would have preferred dismounting to remaining in that hell of a place.

Anyway a lot of people (including commanders who are drawing a bigger allowance, and expected to have more integrity) missed this outfield because of ATT C or status. Again, in the middle of all that shit, I was wondering if it's worth slogging so hard when there's really no incentive - in fact, only disincentives - to do so. All that I got from this outfield were "shag-ness", more pimples and mosquito bites. And maybe a few "thank you"s from CO and OC, and a Monday book-in. Yet again, I told myself that this was the last outfield before A T E C, and endured.

My platoon mates who ATT C think we (those who went) are stupid, and I was asking myself whether I really am, and why I went. Eventually, I realised I still feel a sense of duty despite all the negativity I feel. I just can't bring myself to neglect my responsibilites and sit at home pretending to be sick. At the end of the day, I also have a responsibility to the rest whom I care enough not to disappoint. Besides, unlike the AI, someone would have had to take my place had I absented myself, and I wouldn't want that, having been a victim of other people's chaogeng behaviour before. Bad karma lah.

So, F T X 2 is history, and we're facing the final hurdle. A T E C is definitely going to be tougher, but I really hope everyone can wake up their idea. We've trained and fought together for so long, just for this test. Even if we don't give a damn about the results and those to whom it really matters (i.e. those regulars whose promotion and bonus hinges on the outcome), we owe it to ourselves and all our brothers-in-arms to at least turn up and do what we can to not let all that hard work go down the drain.