Solo. Cynic.

Just visited the class blog and seems like the rest had lots of fun last Sat. Oh well, once again, I couldn't make it. This must be the nth class activity I've missed. I am either stuck in camp, sick at home, or too lazy/tired to join them.

Except for the "stuck in camp" part which happens ever so often, I realise perhaps I just haven't been making an effort. To begin with, I never was that outgoing, and close to that many people. I'm perfectly comfortable with just a small group of good friends, and usually happy to be left alone.

I work well in a team, and I do enjoy it immensely from time to time. But sometimes if given a choice, I'd rather work alone. Unless if it's with people of the "same frequency", it can be very frustrating getting everyone to agree and cooperate.

But then again, I am not that stand-offish, lah. It just depends on the company, and the "chemistry". When I don't clique with someone, I don't see the need to compel myself to clique. I just end up being curt, but of course never in a rude way, and I try to be nice though maybe a little pretentious. It takes a while for me to warm up to others, and there are certain things I'd prefer to keep to myself still. Perhaps it's because of these personal inclinations, I'm not one to probe or show overt concern for even my best of friends. But that doesn't mean I don't care.

It's really quite tricky, this interpersonal business. I find messages like "don't worry, we'll always be there for you" pretentious, but then again, that's my personal bias (as a cynic), so I know I should not impose that judgement on others. A lot of people say I have too many cynical thoughts, but I just can't help it! At least I'm not bad-mouthing people behind their backs while pretending to be their friend, or backstabbing people. If I don't like you, I won't tell you in your face, but you should catch my drift pretty easily.

Solo-ists and cynics are never popular, and I know this only too well. But I don't need everyone to like me. Those who put on a mask every day just so everyone likes them are even more pathetic, no?